• "In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space, wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty" said Les Dawson. "And as I looked at all this I thought: 'I must put a roof on the lavatory'."
• Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped for speeding. The policeman says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'
• Where does bad light end up? In a prism!
• It is estimated that 3.71 X 10^10 "first-star-tonight" wishes have been wasted on Venus.
• A Black Hole is a tunnel at the end of light
• A seminar on Time Travel will be held last Tuesday
• Entropy isn't what it used to be
• Friction can be a drag sometimes
• Heisenberg might have slept here
• Archimedes Principle brought up to date. When a body is immersed in water, the phone rings
• The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night
• How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it
• How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb? Ten; one to change it and nine to argue that their bulb gives a better colour.
• The Hubble Space telescope has captured an image of two galaxies colliding. It's so detailed you can see lawyers rushing to the scene.
• I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone... then it dawned on me
• • Pupil: Please Sir! Did you hear that astronomers have found life on another planet?
  • Teacher: What are you talking about?
  • Pupil: They found fleas on Pluto!
• After his first meal on the Moon, the 22nd century astronaut said the food was good but the restaurant lacked atmosphere
• Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon? The Moon because the Sun only shines during the day when it's light anyway
• Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I've lost an electron." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive."
• What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentified frying object.
• How does Jupiter hold up his trousers? With an asteroid belt.

Boom, Boom.

Pretty dreadful aren't they? Can you do better? Please send your jokes to Wendy. If they are bad enough we'll add them to this page.